Step-Grandma
HELP! Does anyone have a step-grandparent that can give me tips on how to work through feelings that come with adding that person into the family?
This transition has been emotionally hard for my family and now that we know that they plan to be married in less than 2 weeks...well...it just got harder.
Problem #1: Grandma has only been gone 7 months and Grandpa started corresponding with this woman less than a month after Grandma passed away. It feels like we haven't had the time to mourn Grandma yet because we have had to put our minds to accepting this other woman.
Problem #2: Grandpa has been very dishonorable when it come to Grandma's memory and said and done some very upsetting things.
Problem #3: Whenever this woman comes to town she lives with Grandpa.
Problem #4: We have never been able to get a straight answer from her as to whether or not she is indeed a Christian. Maybe in word, but not in deed. Maybe she is but shows no fruit...does that count? Becoming a Presbyterian 20 years ago doesn't mean you have Jesus in your heart...know what I mean?
Anyway, It's just a really hard situation that has many more facets than I am outlining above. I am just looking for some sound advice.
I am planning to sit down with her the next time she is in town and have a very candid conversation with her about my feelings and let her know that I don't dislike her, but circumstances have made it difficult for me to feel good about her entry into/presence in my life.
Any advice?
This transition has been emotionally hard for my family and now that we know that they plan to be married in less than 2 weeks...well...it just got harder.
Problem #1: Grandma has only been gone 7 months and Grandpa started corresponding with this woman less than a month after Grandma passed away. It feels like we haven't had the time to mourn Grandma yet because we have had to put our minds to accepting this other woman.
Problem #2: Grandpa has been very dishonorable when it come to Grandma's memory and said and done some very upsetting things.
Problem #3: Whenever this woman comes to town she lives with Grandpa.
Problem #4: We have never been able to get a straight answer from her as to whether or not she is indeed a Christian. Maybe in word, but not in deed. Maybe she is but shows no fruit...does that count? Becoming a Presbyterian 20 years ago doesn't mean you have Jesus in your heart...know what I mean?
Anyway, It's just a really hard situation that has many more facets than I am outlining above. I am just looking for some sound advice.
I am planning to sit down with her the next time she is in town and have a very candid conversation with her about my feelings and let her know that I don't dislike her, but circumstances have made it difficult for me to feel good about her entry into/presence in my life.
Any advice?
posted by Becky | 1:29 PM
3 Comments:
Ultimately, it is up to your grandfather who he marries and how he lives his life. He does not have to have the approval of you or anyone else in the family. My advice to you is to be nice, polite, and accepting. Vent to your husband if something bothers you, but don't put a riff between you and your grandfather.
Chances are, he is very lonely, and this woman is filling a void that was left when your grandmother died. Perhaps this woman feels the same way about someone she lost. Try to see things from her perspective. She may feel as awkward as you do about this situation. As for not being a Christian, you cannot judge that, only God can. Instead of judging her, see this as an opportunity to minister to her through your family. If you confront her in the manner in which you typed this blog, you are only going to push her away and alienate your grandfather. Since he is older, you may not have much time left with him. Is that how you want to spend your last few years with him?
This is a very difficult situation. I would be very careful about talking to her. Do you feel as God is directing you to talk to her? Would that be because you want to connect with her and feel the need to be honest about your hesistation? Or, are you hoping to teach her something by talking to her?
I agree with the previous comment. You won't be able to change the situation, and you do want to maintain good relationships. Keep in mind that your grandpa's inappropriate actions regarding your grandma are not this woman's fault.
Before you do anything, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! I understand why you feel this way, but be sure that you handle your feelings appropriately. It might be easier if you try to show her God's love vs. trying to come up with your own "warm fuzzy" feelings toward this situation.
Before you sit down to talk with her, vent to Paul, pray, carefully prepare, and ask yourself what will be accomplished by this situation. I know you can handle this with God's grace and care. Keep us posted.
Diane
I stumbled onto your blog today. I have a step grandmother. She is not the same as my other grandma, but in time she has grown to love us and we love her. These things always come with adjustments and they are challenging. Best advice I could offer is to often put yourself in her shoes. This will help you understand her better.
My Grandmother died of cancer. While she was bed ridden and required a nurse to come and care for her everyday, she grew to love this one nurse inpaticular. Now my grandpa had lost his mother fairly early in life and my grandma noticed how this affected my grandpa's dad. My grandma knew she did not want her husband to turn into his father and if he didn't remarry, he would make those around him unhappy. So before my grandmother died, she told my grandpa that she wanted him to remarry and that it was very important to her. She even went so far as to tell him who she wanted him to marry. Of course it was her nurse. They were married a short six months after my grandma died. That was really hard for some of the family. It didn't help that my mom is the oldest child and my step grandma is a year older than my mom. My step-grandma and my grandma are opposites in many ways, but the truly compliment each other.
Do your best to find the good in her. You will find what you look for. Trust that God had a plan and that he loves you, your grandfather and his girlfriend.
Best wishes and prayers for you.
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