Better
These late summer months have come upon us so fast and furious that I feel we almost haven't breathed for a month or so. Canning, freezing, child rearing, marriage building, farm maintenance, animal emergencies, house remodeling, and trying hard to fit in some fun here and there has been the order of the past weeks.
We have gotten peaches and some tomatoes canned and in the basement. Alia seems to have gotten past what we hope was the worst of the behavior issues (for now). Si is very mobile which presents its own set of challenges. Paul and I have been getting away from the kids weekly (thanks to my cousin and a couple from our church) to spend some seriously needed time reconnecting. The chick coop got built and the skunk eventually got removed and dispatched (if ya know what I mean) but not until he had killed a total of 10 chicks. Almost 2 rooms are updated (trim of two windows in the kitchen to finish painting yet)--pictures to come. And somewhere in there we found a day to go to the beach together--much needed and very fun!
I have recently been spending some time reflecting on the past couple months and Paul and I had a discussion about it yesterday. Here are some highlights from that discussion and my reflections:
I am feeling better (finally)! I feel like we turned a corner somewhere about Josiah turning 8 months old. Just felt like there were more days that were "okay" and fewer that were "bad". Two months later I feel that we actually have parts of days that are actually pretty good...which is so far removed from the way I was feeling last spring that I am blown away.
I attribute this to a couple factors:
First, I met (just once so far) with a woman (mother of 7) from our church who has had PPD following the births of each of her daughters (4). It was unbelievably encouraging to talk with her and listen to her stories and ask some of the things that have been rattling around in my brain for months unanswered. God used the one evening I spent with this woman of God to propel my journey down the road of healing with amazing accuracy and speed. I think more clearly, am more focused, and trust God more wholly than I have in a very long time.
Thank you, C, for being broken, honest, and real--for your insights and thoughts and willingness to let me see into your world. Most of all, thank you for being willing to "get dirty" when others are hurting despite your own challenges...I am asking God to give me the same heart of others and strength to do the same.
A few of the things we talked about that may seem elementary to some of you but were monumentally helpful to me were:
1. The difference between a "PPD day" and a "I have 2 kids and its a challenge day"--There was actually a specific something that I can now recognize that helps me to get through the PPD days without so much frustration.
2. God, God, God, God, God. Turn there for every moment. Frustrated, pray aloud right then. Overwhelmed, pray aloud right then. Angry, pray aloud right then. This reminder has really helped me to stay focused all day and as a bonus it helps my kids to see me leaning on God throughout my day too.
3. The desire to have a big family doesn't have to be put on hold until you are "better". Instead, follow God's leading for your family plan despite people who may look at you as irresponsible for "having another while you are still 'struggling'". God doesn't look for perfect woman to be moms, he looks for woman who are seeking to teach their children to love and live for him--while they are broken and relying on him for their strength.
The second factor that I feel has contributed to the healing that I am experiencing is my husband's listening ear and discerning ways. My stint (6 weeks) in counseling produced only 2 ideas that helped us to be able to move forward in any way. So, after deciding to stop going to the sessions, Paul and I began talking through these two things and other ideas that came up during the discussion. At one point I mentioned, "We are really making headway here...why aren't I paying you to talk this stuff through?!" Anyway, we came up with some good ideas for changing the things that were so frustrating/upsetting/causing problems for me. We implemented them, altered them, and worked them into our schedule. Weeks later, they have been a wonderful aid in not only easing some of my negative feelings but also in helping Paul to better understand the connection between circumstances/happenings of the day and my feelings (specifically on PPD days).
The third and certainly not least of the things I feel have been important in me feeling better are the prayers of those who care about me and our family. I may not even know who all of you are....but you know and God knows. Thank you...so very much! Prayer is powerful....even when (and maybe especially when) I didn't feel like prayer was working at all.
So, as I am learning, I may never really be done with PPD, but I do believe it is getting better.
As soon as I get a chance to get some pics uploaded for the rooms we have painted I will post them and I could really use a little advice about the future of the kids bedroom as well! Stay tuned.
We have gotten peaches and some tomatoes canned and in the basement. Alia seems to have gotten past what we hope was the worst of the behavior issues (for now). Si is very mobile which presents its own set of challenges. Paul and I have been getting away from the kids weekly (thanks to my cousin and a couple from our church) to spend some seriously needed time reconnecting. The chick coop got built and the skunk eventually got removed and dispatched (if ya know what I mean) but not until he had killed a total of 10 chicks. Almost 2 rooms are updated (trim of two windows in the kitchen to finish painting yet)--pictures to come. And somewhere in there we found a day to go to the beach together--much needed and very fun!
I have recently been spending some time reflecting on the past couple months and Paul and I had a discussion about it yesterday. Here are some highlights from that discussion and my reflections:
I am feeling better (finally)! I feel like we turned a corner somewhere about Josiah turning 8 months old. Just felt like there were more days that were "okay" and fewer that were "bad". Two months later I feel that we actually have parts of days that are actually pretty good...which is so far removed from the way I was feeling last spring that I am blown away.
I attribute this to a couple factors:
First, I met (just once so far) with a woman (mother of 7) from our church who has had PPD following the births of each of her daughters (4). It was unbelievably encouraging to talk with her and listen to her stories and ask some of the things that have been rattling around in my brain for months unanswered. God used the one evening I spent with this woman of God to propel my journey down the road of healing with amazing accuracy and speed. I think more clearly, am more focused, and trust God more wholly than I have in a very long time.
Thank you, C, for being broken, honest, and real--for your insights and thoughts and willingness to let me see into your world. Most of all, thank you for being willing to "get dirty" when others are hurting despite your own challenges...I am asking God to give me the same heart of others and strength to do the same.
A few of the things we talked about that may seem elementary to some of you but were monumentally helpful to me were:
1. The difference between a "PPD day" and a "I have 2 kids and its a challenge day"--There was actually a specific something that I can now recognize that helps me to get through the PPD days without so much frustration.
2. God, God, God, God, God. Turn there for every moment. Frustrated, pray aloud right then. Overwhelmed, pray aloud right then. Angry, pray aloud right then. This reminder has really helped me to stay focused all day and as a bonus it helps my kids to see me leaning on God throughout my day too.
3. The desire to have a big family doesn't have to be put on hold until you are "better". Instead, follow God's leading for your family plan despite people who may look at you as irresponsible for "having another while you are still 'struggling'". God doesn't look for perfect woman to be moms, he looks for woman who are seeking to teach their children to love and live for him--while they are broken and relying on him for their strength.
The second factor that I feel has contributed to the healing that I am experiencing is my husband's listening ear and discerning ways. My stint (6 weeks) in counseling produced only 2 ideas that helped us to be able to move forward in any way. So, after deciding to stop going to the sessions, Paul and I began talking through these two things and other ideas that came up during the discussion. At one point I mentioned, "We are really making headway here...why aren't I paying you to talk this stuff through?!" Anyway, we came up with some good ideas for changing the things that were so frustrating/upsetting/causing problems for me. We implemented them, altered them, and worked them into our schedule. Weeks later, they have been a wonderful aid in not only easing some of my negative feelings but also in helping Paul to better understand the connection between circumstances/happenings of the day and my feelings (specifically on PPD days).
The third and certainly not least of the things I feel have been important in me feeling better are the prayers of those who care about me and our family. I may not even know who all of you are....but you know and God knows. Thank you...so very much! Prayer is powerful....even when (and maybe especially when) I didn't feel like prayer was working at all.
So, as I am learning, I may never really be done with PPD, but I do believe it is getting better.
As soon as I get a chance to get some pics uploaded for the rooms we have painted I will post them and I could really use a little advice about the future of the kids bedroom as well! Stay tuned.
posted by Becky | 2:55 PM
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